Um, Jon, you're not, ya know, queer, are you?
by Salma-sol
Summary: When Raoul and Gary plot to wake up Jon and Alan really early to go for a ride, things begin to go wrong. Gary opens Jon's door without knocking, and finds Alan and Jon both asleep in Jon's bed! Oh no, Jon and Alan are Gay! Or so think Gary and Raoul...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Back Away Slowly.**

It was a beautiful, sunny morning. But that bright morning was nearly the end of our young prince's status as a revered royal. It was because of the wonderfulness of this lovely morning that Raoul and Gary, who both woke up far earlier than either would've wished out of habit, decided to take a dawn ride.

But really, what's a dawn ride without one's dearest friends, the prince Jon, and his squire Alan? So it was decided that they would go burst into Jon's room and yell to wake him up. Alan, they knew, was a light enough sleeper that an extreme commotion in the next room should wake him up.

So, we find our young knights down the hall from Jon's room.

"So the plan is to jump into the room and yell like hell until they wake up, right?" Gary was clearly having way too much fun with their "scare-the-hell-out-of-Jon-and-Alan-by-waking-them-up-really-early-and-loudly" plot.

"What if he pulls his sword on us?" Raoul wonders

"Alan would help?" Gary points out.

"Nope" They both add together. Alan wouldn't be awake enough to help, and since they were terrorizing Alan too, he probably wouldn't be on their side anyway.

"Oh crap, what are we supposed to do about the guard?" Observant Gary had just noticed the guard at the opposite end of the hall. "What if he tries to stop us?"

"You go down there and explain things to him, and I'll burst in." Raoul directed. "If he hears what we're doing before we do it, he's bound to stop us, but if we don't tell him at all, he'll probably try and kill us."

"Wouldn't he recognize the prince's friends by now, and let us be?" Gary, thinking too much as usual.

"Naw, this one's new, can't you tell? It's in the way he stands." Raoul added.

"Yeah, ok, I'll go talk to him, but make sure you remember Jon's face!" Gary was disappointed at missing Jon's expression, but he would still be going on their ride, which was the whole point of this anyways.

So Gary went to talk to the guard, and Raoul, poor, poor Raoul, went to throw open Jon's door, jump inside, and yell so loud it would scare the bejesus out of Jon.

Fortunately for Raoul, a split second after he threw open the door, and a split second before he yelled, he saw a sight he never expected to see. He never _wanted _to see. He really _didn't_ want to see. Alan was in bed with Jon, and they were both sleeping in an … intimate position. Poor, poor Raoul turned very _very_ pale, and grabbed the door before it slammed against the wall, and he slowly backed out of the room and closed the door.

Gary, of course, was by now finished talking to the guard, and was more than a little confused to see Raoul back out of the room and close the door, then turn around and find him very _very_ pale. Gary laughed, "We forgot he might be in there with some girl, right?"

Raoul, still very _very_ pale, shook his head slowly, and moved his mouth like he was trying to say something, but couldn't quite manage it.

"What!" Gary was dying to know whatever it was he had seen. "Tell, tell!"

"Bad,bad,bad. Not good! Jon, Jon… not right! He. bad prince! Bad,bad,bad." A very _very_ pale Raoul babbled. He was more than slightly disturbed at the thought of the Crown Prince of Tortall being…odd. Jon would need a queen soon, what would happen then? The nation wouldn't like a queer king. The court wouldn't either. What should he do? Should he tell?

No, he would keep this to himself until he could talk to Jon about it. That was only fair to his friend. But what should he tell Gary? Raoul was being looked at very oddly just then.

"um, it's a wife…I think? I could be mistaken?..." Gary seemed unaware of how uncomfortable Raoul was at this time.

"oh well, we can always get Alan instead!" Gary suggested eagerly.

"No! I mean, Alan would be like to kill us at this time of the morning in _his_ room. Probably we should just knock." Raoul knew very well that Alan wasn't in his room just then, but in Jon's.

"All right, all right, but you're taking all the fun out of this." Gary punched Raoul in the arm.

"yeah, well…"

Gary and Raoul proceeded to bang on Jon's door loud enough to wake the dead, and presently they heard a commotion inside and Jon yelling at them.

And so it was the Gary, Raoul, Alan, and Jon set off on their dawn ride, and Raoul made a note to himself to corner Jon later that day and clear some things up.

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**A/N:** yay! So, for those of you who are wondering, this is my answer to all those fics where Alanna gets found out. Just once, I think Jon should get in some trouble. And besides, Jon being gay (I think) would be easier for Gary to think of than Alanna being a girl. Anywho, I think this story is original, except, of course, those things borrowed from the great and wonderful TP, but please tell me if it isn't. Also, REVIEW! I can't tell how well I wrote this until I know how well you understood!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Anything from TP is hers, and anything I made up is mine. Duh. This applies to the whole story

**Chapter 2: Um, uh, er, well, no, see, well,…**

So, we find our disgustingly awake characters in the stable at some horrible hour of the morning unknown to decent folk. They are grooming their horses after a pre-dawn ride. Raoul, Alan, Jon, and Gary are all in their respective stalls grooming their respective horses. However, Raoul's horse wasn't at all happy. He wasn't being groomed very well, you see. Raoul, in his rather distracted state, wasn't paying as much attention as he ought.

Slowly, they began to trickle out of the stable. Fist Alan finished, then Gary. As they left, Jon, too, finished grooming his horse.

"Gees, Raoul, you think you've been over that one spot enough times?" Jon was in high spirits; apparently the ride had done him good.

"Huh?" Raoul, poor, _poor_ Raoul, hadn't been paying as much attention to his surroundings as a trained knight ought. Jon noticed this

"Tsk, tsk Raoul! 'Heads in the clouds become heads on the ground' as the duke would say." Jon teased.

"I was thinking!" Was Raoul's only distracted reply.

So Jon nodded, knowing his friend would make no sense until his finished mulling over whatever occupied him, and turned to leave.

"Jon?" Asked a very, _very_ pale Raoul. As Jon turned, Raoul blacked on what he meant to say, and before Jon could open his mouth to respond added, "Never mind, it's nothing…" Raoul put down his comb and walked briskly out of the stable. Jon had to jog to catch up.

"Hey, wait up! You ok Raoul?" Jon, concerned for his friend, and more than a little bit curious, had no idea that the cause of Raoul's so obvious distraction was himself.

"Yeah, fine, fine! Are we late for breakfast?" Raoul had no tact when it came to changing uncomfortable topics.

All through breakfast, Raoul remained contemplative, just eating his food and thinking. He worried about Jon being _different_. How was he the only one to notice? Should he tell? Not just yet, he decided. Maybe Jon would grow out of it, or something. No need for anybody to panic. It's not like he's obvious about it, Raoul consoled himself, he at least pretends to like the girls like the rest of us.

Overall, Raoul was very preoccupied during breakfast, and also uncharacteristically completely silent. So he was more than grateful when Jon suggested a bit of wrestling after breakfast.

Alan, however, wasn't so pleased. As a squire, Alan had to do what his knight master did, but he didn't have to be _happy_ about wrestling. Raoul noticed that Alan almost talked Jon out a wrestling, and it was only Gary's enthusiasm that saved the venture. (Normally it would've been Raoul's place to do that, but he was still somewhat preoccupied). As they stretched in preparation for their workout, Raoul wondered if Alan's and Jon's closeness was the reason Alan was always so good at talking Jon out of things.

"No!" Raoul muttered to himself, "Distracting thoughts like those are what let Gary beat me last time, that's not gonna happen again."

After Raoul and Gary had a match, (they called it a draw, and Raoul's distracting thoughts didn't help him), the two watched Jon and Alan finish their match. Raoul concluded that something was not right there. Not at all. He started fidgeting. The doubting thoughts he had had over breakfast were coming back. Should he tell someone? How would the nation react to a king that dallied on the other side of the bed? Did anyone else know? _Should_ he tell someone?

"I would like to tell Gary's father, he's the political type, he'd know what to do," Raoul began thinking out loud. "But then he's close to the king, and would probably tell the king. And besides that, once he knew, he probably wouldn't care about what happened to Jon, so long as the nation didn't get in trouble. Damn!"

"You aren't muttering as quietly as you think you are." Gary informed Raoul. "You said something about my father?"

Well, thought Raoul, Gary is his father's son, after all. "No, about you. There's something you should know…about Jon. This shouldn't be said with listing ears" Implying that people could overhear them, and that would be a bad thing. "To the rooms!" Gary looked at him oddly, but Raoul was one of the best knights he knew, Raoul wouldn't act this strange without a good reason.

"Hey, where are you guys off too? You're the next to be knocked down by my incredible winning streak." Raoul glanced at Jon, shrugged, and then hurried out of the room. That was the second flit-y thing Jon had done in as many minutes. He no longer doubted that Jon was a flit.1

As soon as Raoul and Gary got to Gary's study, Gary's patience ran out. "Spit it out." Gary, like his father, was a very curious person.

"Look, it…its Jon…he isn't…_Normal_." A very, _very_ pale Raoul stuttered.

"Of course not, he's the prince, did you want him to be run of the mill normal?" Gary didn't see where this was going. But the look on Raoul's face didn't give him a good feeling. Raoul was outraged, and jumped on Gary, trying to throttle him.

"YOU KNEW! You knew and didn't tell!"

"Knew what?"

Raoul got off Gary. "Wow, well if you don't think it's that big a deal, you would probably know better than me. I didn't think the nation would react well to a king that dallied on the other side of the bed, but if his friends can be that forgiving, I guess there's hope."

"WHAT! By Mithros! It's treason to lie about the prince like that!" Obviously, Gary hadn't known,

"I like pineapples." Raoul commented.

"You say the price is odd, and then start talking about pineapples!" Gary was enraged! Then he thought for a moment, and decided Raoul probably wasn't in his right mind. "Why don't you come with me to the CIFMFUP2 for a short trip?" Gary added in a condescending voice.

"If you're going to threaten me with treason, I'm going to talk about pineapples. Truce, no treason, no pineapples." Raoul was still feeling somewhat defensive after being called a liar, threatened with being reported for high treason, and then the suggestion that he belonged in a mental institution!

"Fine, truce. But what makes you think that Jo…the prince is…odd?" His father was showing through in Gary, the father that always wanted to know everything, even if it was disturbing.

"This morning, when we went to wake up Jon and Alan for the ride? And I burst into the room? And then backed out and turned bright red?" Raoul wasn't feeling very comfortable just now.

"Yeah, so?"

"I saw, um, Jon, and Alan, sleeping in an, um, intimate position…so, um, that makes them, um, different." Raoul was turning red again.

"Oh. Well." Gary was beginning to blush also. "I guess that's weird. But,… could you be wrong, Jon is the prince. Right? That's…problematic. But…there's …treatments for that sort of thing…right?"

"We need to talk to Jon and Alan."

"We? How did I get pulled into this political nightmare?"

"You're the politically minded one, not me!"

"Fine. So, how do we approach Jon?" Gary questioned

"Jon and Alan" was Raoul's correction.

"Jon first, he's the Crown Prince. Alan can be taken care of by assigning to some gods-forsaken border post when he's knighted." Gary, the politically minded one, declared.

"Right. So what, we just order Alan out of the room after lunch, and have a nice cozy chat with Jon" Raoul, despite sounding flippant, was more than a little bit nervous about questioning the heir's sexuality to his face. Gary wasn't kidding when he said treason.

"Sounds about right. What else can we do?" Gary was already looking for a way out of this. The nation deserved to know the truth, and their friend Jon needed to face the reality before him, and, more to the point, needed to confront his friend about being a phony and lying for so long. It was understandable, sure, but that didn't mean he didn't wish Jon had told him himself.

Overall, both Gary and Raoul wished to delay their now scheduled after lunch chat with Jon, and Gary went so far as to wonder why lunch had been invented in the first place, it was such a horrible meal.

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**A/N:**Yay, I finally put up another chapter. I know it was horrible; Raoul and Gary were really out of character. If anybody has any suggestions, they would be very welcomed! Please!

Thank you so much to all my reviewers! And a special thanks to music nerd for pointing out that they should've locked the door, and pinky for pointing out that Raoul was OOC. I hope he is less so here, but further suggestions are probably needed!

**Edit**: Thanks to Alanna99 for pointing out that Gary and Raoul's attitude's concerning Alan were unrealistic. I hope I have fixed that here.

1Flit – Someone who is gay

2CIFMFUP – Corus Institute For Mentally Fucked Up People, see cytosine's works for details.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Go away Alan**

Lunch was, in Gary's opinion, the worst meal of the day. A barbarian invention, it should be done away with altogether. In fact, Gary decided to boycott lunch from now on. He stood up suddenly, but was brought short by Raoul grabbing his arm when he tried to leave.

"I'm not doing this by myself, and you're not running away." Raoul whispered.

Oh. Yeah. Gary had conveniently "forgotten" about his and Raoul's plan to ambush Jon after lunch.

"Erm. Right. Remind me why we're doing this again?" Gary kept his voice low, so as not to be heard, and pretended to be wimp-ing out. At this outburst, Raoul practically dragged Gary out of his seat and into the hall.

"We are doing this because, meaning no slander to His Most Royal Majesty, the Crown Prince does not realize that he is in grave danger of losing life and limb to enraged courtiers if ever his orientation should be revealed to the world. We are confronting him on his recent actions pertaining to Alan, reminding him of his duty to Mithros, and taking him as quietly as possible to the healers, who can help fix his mind. We are doing this right after lunch because the sooner we do this the less likely somebody else is going to find out." Raoul elucidated quickly.

Gary was very pleased with himself. By pretending to be wimp-ing out, he had forced Raoul to take charge; Gary had feared otherwise _Raoul_ would be the one to wimp. One more gentle push should cement Raoul's conviction. "Are you sure of what you saw?" asked Gary suspiciously, "for all we know, Alan could have just had a bad nightmare?..." Pleased with himself, Gary thought, that should clinch it.

"What! Gary, you know I wouldn't lie about this! And you know Alan better than that!" Gary's plan had worked perfectly, except for making Raoul a _bit_ outraged, angry, affronted, maddened, and other such words.

Gary and Raoul were so wrapped up in their conversation, that they didn't notice Jon come out into the hall to see why two of his best friends had been whispering, and then suddenly fled the mess hall in the middle of lunch.

"Fine, you're right." Gary did his best to use a soothing tone of voice, lest Raoul have another outburst. "Look, this is a problem, an issue, but we can solve it; there is no reason this can't stay between the two of us. Midday doesn't end for a while yet, why don't we just go back to my rooms, and…talk about this." Gary led Raoul off to his rooms, talking quietly, to plan and plot exactly how to confront Jon after lunch.

They were both blissfully unaware of how this might look to any body (Jon) who happened to overhear them. Honestly, not many people would speak quietly of solving unspecified things, keeping unspecified things between the two of them, and then go back to somebody's rooms to "talk". Jon shook his head. He hadn't know his friends were…like that, but as long as they kept it to themselves…well, it was none of his business unless they started being indiscreet about it. Really, Jon thought, they could do better than to talk about…them…in the middle of the hallway. Jon though that perhaps he ought to give his friends a couple gentle hints about being more discreet, preferably without letting them know that _he _knew. What Jon didn't officially know, he wouldn't have to officially approve of (putting the crown's authority behind something more than a bit controversial). Jon shook his head at his friends' lack of prudent caution, and went back to lunch with his mind unsettled.

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Alan(na) wasn't aware of the particulars of the goings-on, but it would take a much stupider person than her to not realize something was happening when first Gary and Raoul, then Jon, bolted into the corridor for some discussion the rest of the table was excluded from. She was deciding whether she ought to follow when Jon came back and sat down.

"What was that about?" she curiously inquired of the prince.

"Um, not anything important?" Jon should have realized his squire wasn't a complete lack wit and come up with a tale, but he hadn't.

Silly crown prince should've done his homework, because just then Alanna was giving him one of those looks that says 'I know you're lying, but that's okay, you lied so blatantly that I don't even have to tell you that I know so just give up'. But all she said aloud was "oh."

Jon relented, and whispered "tell you later".

Alanna's only reply was a look that said, 'I know you don't mean to tell me, but I will get it out of you'. She was getting better at this silent communication thing.

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Back in Gary's rooms, the plotting hadn't gone as intended. Needless to say, they didn't exactly know how to say "Jon, we know you're gay, and with Alan. This is unacceptable and has to stop because you're the Crown Prince and Only Heir to the Throne; we're taking you to be healed. Oh, and by the way, please don't have us executed for High Treason against Your Highness for even thinking you might be dallying on the other side of the bed."

"Okay, so we have no plan, and if we want to ambush Jon, we have to leave now, 'cause lunch should end soon." Gary was in a hurry to get this Ordeal over with.

"Say, what are we going to do about Alan?" Raoul wondered aloud.

"Oh, Alan, right. Well, one bite at a time. They can't be confronted together. I know enough psychology; they'll just cling to each other and say they'll get through this together. Can't have that. We'll confront Jon first, and then we'll talk with Alan once Jon is with the healers." Gary surprisingly forgot one of his best friends, the stress of contemplating high treason (even if it was for Jon's own good) was getting to him.

Raoul didn't like that idea. "But Alan will probably be suspicious, I mean, two guys dragging off his, um, partner. We don't want make him think that, er, Jon was cheating. I mean, um, that wouldn't help Alan's self confidence any…"

Gary wasn't that insensitive. He knew what could be thought of Raoul and him taking Jon off to 'talk'. "Right, so, we'll each take one of them."

"All right, but you get Jon, you're the politically minded one, after all." Raoul didn't want to have to deal with the whole treason thing, on top of speaking of, sensitive subjects.

"Fine." And with that, they sped out of the room to intercept the Heir and his Squire.

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Alan and Jon left the dining hall together, only to bang smack into Gary and Raoul.

"I feel like taking a ride, Alan, do you want to take a ride?" Raoul asked briskly.

"Uh sure." Was Alan's reply.

"Let's go then!" Added in Jon, eager for anything to do.

"Say Jonathan, I rather fancy a walk, let's take a walk." Gary quickly put in, to break them up. He needn't have worried, Raoul had already grabbed Alan's arm and was toeing her toward the stables.

"Spit it out." Commanded Jonathan. "You only call my full name when something's wrong." Our prince thought he knew what was on his friends mind. After all, he had overhead him in the hall with Raoul whispering sweet nothings.

Jon thought his suspicions confirmed when Gary's only response was "Not here. Lets take a walk." Instead of denying he wanted to talk. Jon was in for a nasty surprise in the topic of conversation.

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**A/N:** Okay, okay. So it's been too long since my last update, and this chap was a filler. And had too much dialogue. Sorry. The next one should be up sooner. Please drop me a line! I can't make this better unless I know what's wrong!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Awkward Moments**

"Say, Raoul, why am I being toed toward the stables at such a rushed and unrelenting pace?" Alanna protested pertly. She did this because Raoul, a much larger, taller, and stronger person, was currently doing his best to run to the stables and drag Alan behind him if necessary. At this point in time, it was necessary, and so he was.

"In a bit Alan, don't ask questions." So Alanna shut up and ran, because she liked her arm, and wanted to keep it after Raoul was done toeing her by it.

When they got to the stable, Raoul began saddling his horse, and Alanna followed suit. It was clear the something was troubling her friend, and Raoul wouldn't talk until they were somewhere out in the forest.

So they finished saddling their horses and led them outside before mounting up and silently heading along the trail into the forest.

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"Say, Gary," Jon interjected after a couple minutes, "why are we taking a walk in the Gardens? It seems an unusual occupation. Especially since my squire was just toed away at high speed." Jon paused and looked at Gary's resolute face. "Unless there's something you wish to tell me, privately, with no listening ears, but still in public where I cannot forget myself." Unfortunately for Gary, our prince was not then as stupid and pigheaded as he acts in later books.

"There may be something, yes. At any rate, um, I meant to say, not to obfuscate matters, but it's my duty to tell you…"

"Shut up!" Jon interrupted, him feeling more curious than patient at that particular moment.

"Right, what I meant to say was that Raoul and I"

Jon was clearly not in one of his best moods, because he interrupted again. "I know, and you need feel no obligation to tell me. What I don't officially know, firsthand, is none of my business. As far as I'm concerned, you two are just very good friends. And I hope you are very happy." Jon finished this carefully prepared speech, and was more than a bit pleased with himself. He had hoped that they would tell him soon, and come to think of it, Raoul was probably telling Alanna right now.

Gary meanwhile, had stopped on the path a couple moments ago, surprised and appalled. It was one thing for the prince to be the way he was, but to start seeing the same thing in others, he must be in deep. In Gary's limited knowledge of Psycho-analysis, this was called displacement, to switch your problems to other people, and it was a Very Bad Thing for a King to Have. It was at this point that Jon realized Gary was no longer walking next to him; he turned around to see where he had gone.

"Really Gary, I know you probably thought you two were being quite secretive about it, but anybody who looked closely could put two and two together." Gary sputtered like a dead fish. Jon thought he looked more like a dying fish, as dead fish don't sputter, but our authoress knows better. Gary did not sputter at all like a fish, fish don't sputter. It was more like a giraffe. Moving on:

"Honestly Gary, I'm sure nobody else knows, just maybe Alan. You would have to know you guys pretty well to tell." Gary was still in shock, and so didn't say anything. It was one thing for the prince to be this, but was he actually calling his best friends homos? He needed help; the old Jon would never have done this. As much as Gary liked Alan, he had to conclude that Jon had been Seduced.

Jon continued to dig a deeper hole for himself. "You know, you and Raoul probably shouldn't go around telling people this, a person who misunderstood might think you had some disease, and drag you to the healer's wing." That stung a bit, Jon had just told Gary that were the positions were reversed, he would avoid strenuously the very thing Gary was trying to do. Guilt trip…

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The silence in the forest was pervasive. There were only normal forest sounds, entirely unbroken and defiled by humans, and magnified a thousand-fold by the silence strung between the two riders.

The silence was thick enough to be cut by just about any sharp utensil of your choice before Alanna stopped her horse and demanded to know just what the hell was going on, and why was she being dragged out into the forest.

Raoul turned bright red, red as a red ripe strawberry, and also stopped his horse. "I guess this is far enough. Look, Alan, it's nothing personal, it's just that, you two need help. I mean, I know you must think its okay, but the healers can fix it, it's not natural, it's only in your mind. And we can all still be friends, but it isn't good, and especially not the prince. I mean, it's bad enough as knight, but you know the nobles would never accept a king like that. You have to think about what would be best, I mean, this could ruin both of you, it's not right, and you know, it's just, it can't be…" Raoul concluded lamely.

Poor Alanna sat on her horse, very confused. What Raoul had said made no sense if you didn't already know that he was talking about her and Jon being together. So really, there was only one thing she could say to this; it is the only reaction a very confused person can take. She replied in a startled manner "What?!"

Of Course, Raoul thought that Alanna knew perfectly well what he was speaking of, and decided to do his best to speak delicately. In as condescending a tone of voice as condescending voices can get, he got as far as, "Alanna, I

"You seem flustered and flushed. Raoul, are you okay? I don't know what in the world you just said, but it is clearly important to you, would you mind restating that in a more clear and concise manner?" Alanna's normally quick temper normally would have sparked at the clear condesension in Raoul's voice, but was controlled by corcern for her friend, he was babbling like a madman, and looked at bit feverish, he was turning quite red.

"Oh, well, ok. I meant.," Raoul said in a rush, "that I know you and Jon are together, and you have to go to the healers because they'll help you and you need help and knights can't be odd, and especially the Crown Prince can't be, because that's not right and you should both be helped." Raoul concluded lamely as he ran out of words.

Alanna just stared blankly at him, before a wonderfully cruel concept blossomed in her mind. This was that she should 'come out' (and on) to Raoul. It would serve him right for putting her though this whole mysterious ride in the forest thing. She had been genuinely worried.

"Oh Raoul, I'm so glad you found out. I was so worried about how to explain this to you. You know, you're twice the man Jon is." She reached out to touch his arm, and when he shied away, burst into hysterical laughter and fell off the horse. "Ow." The ground was hard. She continued laughing hysterically, and Raoul was left on his horse, mystified as to what was so funny, and Alanna continued to cackle there for the better part of the next hour.

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**A/N: **okay, that took longer to update than it should have. Sorry. And this was a bad chapter. Sorry. Anyhow, hope you liked it, and you will see another chapter before the New Year! That is my promise to you, a new chapie before the New Year. All right, anywho, please respond. I only left the chapter off where is it because I'm not sure what Gary's reaction should be. And yes, I know that Alanna is way OOC, it couldn't be helped, she just got away from me and turned into this person creepily resembling my younger brother. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now, so hit that little button at the corner of the screen. Please? Or don't…

Please?


	5. Chapter 5

Just a quick flashback, for those who don't won't to bother going back a chap to remember what's happening. Jon and Gary were talking:

Jon continued to dig a deeper hole for himself. "You know, you and Raoul probably shouldn't go around telling people this, a person who misunderstood might think you had some disease, and drag you to the healer's wing." That stung a bit, Jon had just told Gary that were the positions were reversed, he would avoid strenuously the very thing Gary was trying to do. Guilt trip…

Alan(na) and Raoul had stopped talking, due to things like one of them being too busy laughing their arse off:

"Oh Raoul, I'm so glad you found out. I was so worried about how to explain this to you. You know, you're twice the man Jon is." She reached out to touch his arm, and when he shied away, burst into hysterical laughter and fell off the horse. "Ow." The ground was hard. She continued laughing hysterically, and Raoul was left on his horse, mystified as to what was so funny, and Alanna continued to cackle there for the better part of the next hour.

So, on to the next chapter, what miscommunication could our characters come up with next?

**Chapter 5: Gees has this been stretched beyond belief.**

Gary was feeling guilty, not much, but just enough to plant a seed of doubt in his mind. Guilty that Jon was willing to keep his secret, but he wouldn't keep Jon's. Not the Gary had a secret, but Jon thought he did, and that was the whole point anyway. But Gary didn't feel guilty enough to not still be flabbergasted at what the Prince had insinuated, that he and Raoul were a thing. No, that had to be corrected.

"Jon, I think you are a bit mistaken. You may be under the impression that Raoul and I are together. We aren't. That kind of thing is not acceptable or accepted, especially among nobles. We are friends, just as you and I are friends.

"Gary, you don't have to cover up, this is me, your friend, Jon. I accidentally overhear you in the hall the other day, you two are plain as the trees we're walking under" (they were still in the garden)

By this time, Gary was becoming increasingly infuriated with the Prince's deliberate obtuseness. "Listen to what I'm trying to say!" Gary was almost shouting, but calmed himself. "We are certainly not 'friends'. But That is not the Point! The Point _is_ that we are not friends like you and Alan are 'Friends'."

"What?!" Jon made no effort to calm himself; he stopped right where he was, planted his feet, and bellowed again. "What?!" They got quite a few stares from other Garden strollers before Gary seized the prince's elbow and propelled him forward as he began to explain.

"Raoul and I were going to surprise you guys by waking you up at an unearthly hour and bursting into your rooms shrieking like schizophrenic snakes. And well, when Raoul burst in, I went to talk to the guard, and he never got to the shrieking like a schizophrenic snake, because he saw you, and Alan, in bed, asleep, together. So, Jon? Unless you have a really good explanation, we're headed for the healers."

Jon was flabbergasted. Hadn't they locked the door? No, they hadn't. Poor Jon didn't know what to do. He couldn't be taken to healers just to please Gary, it was sure to get out, and the nation wouldn't accept a gay prince. It wasn't his place to tell his friends secret though. What was a prince to do?

"Just let me talk to Alan first." Jon, not yet being the pig-head he acts like in later books, wanted to talk to Alanna before revealing her secret. That was the nice, friendly thing to do, right? Consult before you jeopardize your friend's future.

"No. We're going to the healers now. Sorry Jon." Gary was sorry at having to do this to his friend, but, after all, it was in his friend's best interest.

Jon stopped walking. He braced his feet and refused to move another inch. "You can't make me." Unfortunately for Jon, Gary could make him. They both knew that if it came to it, the Crown Prince and his Best Friend should not be seen dueling in the gardens. And Gary held all the cards. All Gary had to do was shout that Jon dallied on the other side of the bed, and anyone at all loyal to the crown would instantly come to Gary's aid to get Jon to the healers.

Jon didn't want to go quietly, but knew that while he didn't like it, it was better by far than causing a commotion. He had best talk himself out of this one quickly.

"Fine, you can make me. I'll explain. I hate doing this to my friend, but I know she'll understand. Alan isn't who you think she is. Alanna is a girl." Gary just looked at Jon. He hadn't thought that Jon would go so far as to make up lies about Alan to justify his behavior. And the idea of Alan being a girl was just ludicrous. He was the best swordsman of the squires, almost of the knights. He certainly didn't fight like a girl. The idea was so preposterous that Gary just burst out laughing.

"Good one Jon…" was all he could get out before he was consumed in laughter.

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Alanna was still lying on the ground in the forest, laughing so hard she was crying. Raoul, concerned for his friend, temporarily forgot all about Alan being gay, got off his horse, and tried to make Alan stop.

"Alan! Alan, snap out of it! Are you Ok? Alan!" Alanna nodded when asked if she was okay, but just kept cackling. She couldn't stop. Raoul's face when she had flirted with him…

So Raoul, being practical, tied the horses to the tree, then sat on a stump, and began to talk in soothing tones. He guessed that Alan had gone into shock upon being discovered, and then revealing his feelings for Raoul, it was too much to deal with at once. Raoul knew he couldn't take Alan back to the palace, so he did the next best thing. Sat and waited, and talked soothing nonsense at his troubled friend. All the while, thoughts of what should he do whirled through his head.

Eventually, Alanna calmed down enough to notice that she was distressing her friend. With a great effort of will, she took a deep breath, stopped her hysterics, and said "its okay Raoul, I'm fine." Then she sat up.

"Oh, praise Mithros. Alan, don't do that!" Raoul would never admit it, but Alan had scared him.

"Look, Raoul, there's something I've got to tell you. Close your mouth" Alanna had noticed Raoul was about to interrupt her. "No, you don't already know what I'm about to say. And this is scary enough without you gaping at me.

"The thing is," she continued, "that I wasn't going to tell anyone until after I became a knight. Then, no matter how everyone reacted, they couldn't take my dream away. I would be a knight.

"Jon found out in the Black City. The Ysander told him. There was nothing I could do. Now, I'm telling you, because otherwise, you'll take me to the healers, and while you would have been right to do so in any other circumstances, doing that now would ruin me. So, I'll tell you.

"But, I have to trust that what I say now, what I tell you, will go no further than this forest clearing, right here, right now, and never again. I count you as my friend, and never liked lying all these years, but there it is, there was no other choice.

"My name is Alanna, and it has always been my dream to become a lady knight."

Raoul was stunned. Then, he began to laugh too. Wiping his eyes, he replied, "That explains so much, it really does, wow, I would never have guessed. Thanks for telling me. But I've never heard you talk so much! Wow.

"Had a lot of time to think while I was laughing…" Alanna admitted.

"Okay. Then we'd better get back." Was Raoul's practical response. So, they started back to the castle. It didn't occur to Alanna or Raoul that Jon might be in a bit of trouble, being dragged bodily though the grounds toward the healers…

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**A/N:** there, see, just like I promised a new chapie before the New Year! Mind, this was is pretty bad, because I haven't go time to edit it, as I'm leaving for my friend's soon, but I still wrote. Anyway, I know that Alanna's long speech is OOC, (just look at how she comes out to George, straight to the point) but I really wanted to make a long speech, authoress' prerogative, so I decided that she could've planed it out during that hour she was in hysterics. Yeah… no promises when the next chap will be here, I'm way behind on my homework, and school starts back on the second, then there's finals, so yeah.

One more thing, I love reviews, I really do, and if you are being lazy, a simple, "yay/liked it/update soon" makes me all fuzzy inside, but if you have the time, an actually constructive review that points out OOCness, or typos, or plot holes, or anything of substance, is loved!!!!! I cannot state in words how much I adore the constructive reviews, of which I sadly get few.

Responses:

Solo Shadow – Thanks for pointing out the OOCness, and yes, it makes the story so much more interesting, which is why it's there. Hope it's not too much in this chapter. And thanks for the review.

Akali – gah, yes, towing is spelt with a w. Thanks. I just suck at spelling. And thanks for the review.

mikigm31 – 'Oh what tangled webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive' yes, they just seem to dig themselves deeper, don't they. Well, this chapter, some of them start to climb out. A bit. Just you wait, it gets worse next. And yes, Alanna joke had to be my favorite part to write, glad you liked it, and thanks for the review!

Sera dy Relandrant – yeah, guys can be pretty dense. I always found Jon pretty pigheaded, but not so much until later. Yay, I'm glad I got Alanna right. Hope this is soon enough, and thanks for the review.

alianna-kyprioth – Thanks for the review, this is an excellent example of a really short review, so thanks for your time, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

FanFictionFantom – no, I don't think Alanna thinks that Raoul knows she's a she, but then you never know what these characters will get up to when you're not looking. Thanks for the review.

hockey.chic9 – me neither!

HappeeGoLuckee – yes, she must tell Raoul, if Jon and Gary got things straitened out, what would be left to write about? And thanks for spreading the word! I love people who recommend my story to others. Thanks for the review.

truffletruffle01 – yay, my first reviewer! Yeah, it's more like a fish still in water, but…I wanted to put in a giraffe. Giraffe is a funny word. Thanks for the review!

**To everyone else who reviewed me: Thanks so much for your review, they are really appreciated, I just don't have the time to respond to them all. So this chapie is dedicated to all my reviewers, who guilt me into updating. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: If This Gets Any More Like A Bad Soap…**

When we left our pour, misunderstood couple, they were in a bit of trouble. Well, that may be a slight understatement. Alanna had just told Raoul she was a girl, and Jon had just revealed this same fact to Gary…

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Gary was laughing. Laughing very hard. He couldn't stop. Gary knew that he should stop. Knew that this was a serious problem, not a laughing matter. Knew that he was only aggravating Jon by laughing at him. But that didn't stop Gary from having a mild bout of hysterics. The stress was getting to him. Poor Gary.

When Gary finally straightened up, the Prince was looking at him oddly. Gary took a moment to think about what he needed at this point. He wanted the prince with the healers, before Alan and Raoul got back, and with as little commotion as possible. Gary knew what he had to do.

Bending down, Gary absently picked up a fallen branch, a bit smaller than a baseball bat, and began whittling it, removing the bark. Jon, taking this to mean that Gary was thinking, didn't pay as much attention as he ought to a friend with whom he was at odds standing near him with a large, hard, blunt object.

Gay was a little bit sorry that he had knocked his friend unconscious, but really, he'd had no choice. He hoisted Jon over his shoulder, and started for the healer's. Soon enough, when people saw Gary carrying the prince through the gardens, servants rushed to help, and thoughtfully grabbed the Prince and escorted his limp form to the healer's wing at high speed.

Another servant took it upon themselves to ask what had happened.

"His head was hit with a branch." Gary responded. It did not escape the servant's notice that Gary spoke in the passive tense, but before any more questions could be asked, he hurried to follow Jon to the healers.

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Raoul was worried. Raoul was very worried. Alan wanted to be a girl. This was bad. He wished he had let Gary deal with Alan. Alan was clearly having some serious issues. Raoul didn't want to Alarm Alan, so he went along with it. They decided to head back to the palace, and Raoul was thinking all the way about how to get Alan to the healers.

When they got back to the palace, Raoul still had no plan. Fortunately for him, as they were walking toward Jon's rooms, where they usually hung out, a servant came toward them, and told them of Jon's apparent misfortune.

"What?!" Was Raoul's and Alanna's response upon hearing that Jon was with the healers. Alanna was surprised because this was, well, a surprise. Jon didn't spend much time with the healers. Raoul was surprised because he hadn't actually expected Gary to succeed. Yes, that had been the plan, but honestly, that was fast. Raoul was also relieved; this made getting Alan to the healers would be much easier. So much the better.

Raoul and Alanna tensely hurried to the healers. Alanna was tense because she had just told Raoul her secret, but more to the point, what in the world was Jon in the healers for? For the mercy of Mithros, he couldn't have gotten into any trouble; he was just going for a walk in the gardens. Alanna hurried to the healers to find what had happened to Jon, with Raoul following quickly behind her.

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Gary was in trouble. Big trouble. This was because he hadn't hit Jon hard enough. Halfway to the healers, he woke up. And our Prince was Angry. As soon as he woke up, Jon although not much given to violence, let out a yell. He would _kill _Gary! What in the world had Gary been thinking?!

The servants, seeing his displeasure, promptly put him down. All Jon did was look at them, nod, and walk away. They asked no questions; he was the Prince.

Jon stalked off to find Gary, realized that he had no idea where Gary was at this point, and returned to his rooms. He paced. He paced a lot. Jon had good reason to pace, after all, no matter what he did, or what he said to whom, he was pretty much screwed. In a big way. He tried to think what he had done so far, and what could be done to fix it.

He had caused Raoul and Gary to believe that he and Alanna were gay and together; he had told Alanna's giant secret to Gary, and possibly ruined her dream and her future; he had told this in such a way that it sounded like a lie; he had been blindsided by his best friend's betrayal by tree branch; and he had severely scared a group of servants

Fun stuff. But what could he do? Gary hadn't believed him about Alanna, so Raoul probably wouldn't either to convince Gary. Therefore, he should go looking for Alanna; as much as he hated to ask it of her, and as much as he didn't want her to give it, only a clear demonstration of her sexuality would clear Gary and Raoul of their notions. He had to find Alanna. So decided, he promptly set off to search for her before realized the impracticality of the idea.

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**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait followed by poorly written and short chapter. I think the next one will probably be the last, but I swear it will be longer. Anyway, this chap is dedicated to Cally Phantom, who reviewed me today: 4 months after last update and guilted me into posting, and **I live Life by My own Rules**, who gave me my favorite actual constructive review, and who writes awesome stuff! Thanks guys!

mordechaimalachai – thanks for the review! And yeah, I tend to have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. This tends to be less because I don't look over it, and more because I just am really bad at spelling and grammar. I also have a lot of fragments. This is more just because I dislike verbs in favor of nouns and adjectives. Sorry 'bout that, and thanks for your input!

Nena Firewind – yes, the poor characters. I really have played havoc with their lives and personalities. Oh well. And thanks! I know this story has a pretty silly basis on purpose, because I need something to entertain me, but I love knowing people think it's well written anyway, so thanks!

.winter.solstice.moon. – Yes, Raoul's reaction was a bit non-existent. I hadn't even thought of that, but you can see in this chap where I went from this comment, thanks!

I love all of my reviewers, each and every one of you, but I can't respond to all of you, this is how far I got before I decided that I want sleep darn it, so here it is, one great big THANK YOU!!! For everybody I haven't thanked individually. Goodnight.


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